Dear Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I don't know how or when you broke into my house, but I would greatly appreciate it if you brought my body back.  The one you left for me to use just isn't working. Definitely not the body that I would have chosen for myself had you so nicely given me the choice.

I preferred my pre-forty body much better.  I find that with this new fortysomething body, I creak when I get out of bed in the morning, my back is stiff, my teeth aren't white,  I have lost all the color in my lips, my knees ache, my hair is dull and honestly, I am not too crazy about this fun new grey highlight you have added.  The worst aspect of my new body is that I barely recognize it any more.  Have you changed the gravitational pull of Earth recently?  Some things (I won't go into specifics because I think you know), are just not where they should be.  Is it my mirror or did you do this?  You know, everyone is stating that "forty is the new thirty"now... maybe you hadn't been made aware of this yet.

I understand that you are busy with an ever growing population and with the ozone depletion problem and all, but did you have to get nasty about the whole thing?  It seems you are angry with everyone who has reached middle age.  I know that at our age we "should know better" on certain decisions we make about the Earth and our bodies, but there is no reason to punish all of us for the few who act the worst.

I personally have always done my best to be kind to both the Earth and to my body.  I exercise daily, get my teeth cleaned, take care of my skin and hair, have solar panels on my house, own a hybrid car, recycle, and walk when I can, rather than drive. What else can I do to get back on your good side?  I even hop up on my soapbox every now and then hoping to convince others to stop messing up your artwork with plastic surgery, botox and lip injections.  I have always preached the virtue of growing old gracefully and letting Mother Nature...you...take your course (excluding hair color).  Am I not earning any brownie points at all?

Again, I know you are busy, but I would really appreciate it if you would just review my case.  Maybe you gave me the wrong forty year old body.  I think you may have mixed mine up with someone else.  If you could be so kind to give me a better one as soon as possible I would forever be in your debt.  If you don't have a spare, I will be happy to take my thirtysomething body back.

Thank you for your time and consideration.  Have a nice day.

xo,
fortysomething Mommy